Updates from May, 2009 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts
Our Church Will Be Perfect When We Hear……..1. "Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew."2. "I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went twenty-five minutes overtime."3."Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf."4. "I dearly want to be a teacher in the junior high Sunday school class."5. "Forget the denominational minimum salary; let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do."6. "I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before."7."Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early."8."Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign."9."Pastor, we’d like to send you to this continuing education seminar in the Bahamas."10."I’ve decided to give our church the five-hundred dollars a month I used to send to TV evangelists."
Seating SurveyDear Congregant:Many of you have expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the church.In order for your church office to place you in a seat that will best suit you, please completethe following questionnaire and return it to the office.I would prefer to sit in the:____Talking/whispering section____No talking sectionIf talking which subcategory do you prefer?____Stock market____Sports____Aches/Pains ____ GossipWhich of the following would you like to be near so that you might receive free professional advice?____ Lawyer ____ Physician____ Accountant ____Beautician ____StockbrokerI want a seat located:____ Near my in-laws _____Far from my in-laws ____ Far from my ex-in-lawsI wish to be seated in a seat where:____I can sleep during the preliminaries ____ I can sleep during the sermon (additional charge)
The sun has been shining all day way down here.I am feeling much better too, fever gone. ( TN son is ok too).I actuallydid a little work today. I’ve got a pot of big white butter-beanscooked and fried cornbread with dried onions. I think I’ll cut mylast onion. And I’ll be heading to the kitchen very soon.Thank you all for coming by with your well wishes. You are the nicest friendsanyone could ever hope for. I wish you all the very best. God’s Blessings Always, My Friends, Ann
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It’s dreary outside today and I have fever . I have one more VALTREX to take for the shingles.My online Best friend sent me the lovliest roses I’ve ever seen. This was a day brightener, for sure .My sweet children gave me gifts in person and called as well to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.My TN son gave me a pretty card as well. I talked to him last night and he said he was hurting all over. I hope he doesn’t havethis dreadful Flu and I hope I don’t either. This was my first thought when I checked my temp. I seldom have a cold and don’t recall whenI had the Flu last.Kassey loves the roses too so I have them on the mantle in my bedroom. It is cluttered to the max, so maybe she won’t tryto jump that high… yeah right…lol She’s in there now looking so innocent.Kassey has a new blog on her space (Ms.Kitty’s space).I’ve tried to keep these spaces separate, but I forget which one I’m on…….LOL Ms CATT is mentioned , Rambling On. I do hope she’s feeling better. I’ll be going to bed early tonight and I think Kassey is waiting for me too.Goodnight to all and I hope a safe one. ….God’s Blessings Always To My Friends Wherever You Are.
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I need a lot of laughs for other reasons besides the aggravation of the ‘Shingles’. Oh yeah, I’ve got them again for the Third time. I was waiting for my meds to be filled, and found this book. I hope you enjoy these….
A rich man was near death. He was grieved because he’d worked so hard for his money,and he wanted to be able to take it to heaven. An angel heard his concern and appeared to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” The man pled with the angel.
Later the angel reappeared and told the wealthy man that he could take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man found his largest valise and filled it with gold bars.
When he finally died and showed up in heaven, St. Peter saw the suitcase and said, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here.”
The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission. Sure enough, the saint checked the record and verified the man’s story. “But,”St. Peter added, “I am supposed to check the contents before letting it through.”
So St. Peter opened the suitcase to discover what was too precious to leave behind. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “You brought pavement?”
MOMER AND MOWER
Pastor Sampson was making visitation rounds on his trusty bicycle,when he turned a corner and came upon a young boy trying to sell a lawnmower. “How much do you want for it?” Sampson asked. “I just need enough money to buy a bicycle,”the boy explained. After a moment of thought, the preacher asked,”Will you take my bike in trade for it?” Mister,you’ve got yourself a deal.” The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the cord a few times with no reaction from the machine. The preacher called the boy over and said “I can’t get this mower to start.” The little boy said,”My dad says you have to cuss at it to get it started.” Pastor Sampson replied,”I am a minister and I cannot cuss. I have been saved so long I don’t remember how to cuss.”The little boy looked at him with a sparkle in his eyes, “Just keep pulling on that cord, and it’ll come back to you.”
NEW PASTOR WARRANTY
It has come to our attention that the pastor you received was shipped with a slight defect—he is not a psychic. Because of this, you must observe certain procedures to ensure optimum performance.
It is necessary to inform him of prayer, the pastor must be told, or he won’t know. If you are in need of a pastoral visit, you will get best results if you ask him.
We regret any inconvenience this may cause.