“World’s Greatest Collection of Church Jokes”,by Paul M. Miller


I need a  lot of laughs for other reasons besides the aggravation of the ‘Shingles’. Oh yeah, I’ve got them again for the Third time. I was waiting for my meds to be filled, and found this book. I hope you enjoy these….

                                                                                         WORLDY WEALTH

A rich man was near death. He was grieved because he’d worked so hard for his money,and he wanted to be able to take it to heaven. An angel heard his concern and appeared to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” The man pled with the angel.

Later the angel reappeared and told the wealthy man that he could take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man found his largest valise and filled it with gold bars.

When he finally died and showed up in heaven, St. Peter saw the suitcase and said, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here.”

The man explained to St. Peter that he had permission. Sure enough, the saint checked the record and verified the man’s story. “But,”St. Peter added, “I am supposed to check the contents before letting it through.”

So St. Peter opened the suitcase to discover what was too precious to leave behind. He couldn’t believe his eyes. “You brought pavement?”

 

                                                                                           MOMER AND MOWER

Pastor Sampson was making visitation rounds on his trusty bicycle,when he turned a corner and came upon a young boy trying to sell a lawnmower. “How much do you want for it?” Sampson asked. “I just need enough money to buy a bicycle,”the boy explained. After a moment of thought, the preacher asked,”Will you take my bike in trade for it?” Mister,you’ve got yourself a deal.” The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the cord a few times with no reaction from the machine. The preacher called the boy over and said “I can’t get this mower to start.” The little boy said,”My dad says you have to cuss at it to get it started.” Pastor Sampson replied,”I am a minister and I cannot cuss. I have been saved so long I don’t remember how to cuss.”The little boy looked at him with a sparkle in his eyes, “Just keep pulling on that cord, and it’ll come back to you.”

                                                                                           

                                                                                          NEW PASTOR WARRANTY

It has come to our attention that the pastor you received was shipped with a slight defect—he is not a psychic. Because of this, you must observe certain procedures to ensure optimum performance.

It is necessary to inform him of prayer, the pastor must be told, or he won’t know. If you are in need of a pastoral visit, you will get best results if you ask him.

We regret any inconvenience this may cause.

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